The Difference Between Men and Women . . . Ha!

Oh dear, just realized I posted this picture twice!  Am I losing it?  Oh well . . . guess I really liked it.  I'll leave it as is!  4/13/2013

Again, my apologies to anyone this may offend, but given the "happenings" of this past year, I love this.  In fact, I liked it so much I printed it and hung it on my wall.  It was sent to me by a (male) friend who has the ability to laugh at himself, and thought I would appreciate it.  And sometimes, what it says is totally true!  :-D

 

George Carlin, you are missed!  Have a great day, everyone.

Long Overdue Response to Ashtamangala

My apologies to "Ashtamangala".  You left a well thought-out comment to my

Oh boy, the fun never ends . . .  post way back in October.  Forgive my rudeness.  So sorry I never responded, as you gave me much to think about: 

 

AshtamangalaOctober 4, 2012 at 10:55 PM

I really do hope you're living YOUR life, rather than catering to the husband you've left after so long. Please tell me you've continued to have fun and have not allowed this man to violate your privacy as he has... if he must behave like a helpless child, perhaps his insurance will cover the cost of a Caregiver or nurse who will look in on him.

Lilly, if the tables were turned and he had the opportunity, you'd best believe he'd be out basking in the attention of other women and flirting like an adolescent. Keep your courage and don't give up your hard-won freedom! He's very well-versed at playing "The Needy Man" and you're TOO accustomed to saving him from himself. Life is short and moves by quickly, as you've learned. Please don't waste any more of your time catering to someone who will never be satisfied, seems unwilling to learn to care for himself...!

Yes, Ashtamangala, I am living my life!  Going out with friends has been a lifesaver for me, and I share very little to nothing with him about my new life.  He has quit obsessing so much about what I am doing, as I only answer his phone calls when I choose to, and often ignore them completely.  He has learned that I will not cater to his every whim.  I most likely got into the same vehicle with him yesterday for the last time, and that was to go pick up our motor home so that it can be sold.  What a relief, to think that I will never have to do that again!

As for a caregiver or nurse: he is now getting rides through the VA and the county for many of his far-off doctor's visits.  Could have done this all along!  He has now alienated almost all of his own family members, so they are unwilling to help.  He also had a mutual friend of ours coming in to clean and do other chores, but I think he has now burned that bridge, as he made the mistake of treating her badly.  Not sure he will ever learn, but it is not my problem anymore . . .

Thank you,

Lilly

Response to Tom's Wife

Tom's Wife wrote:

tomswifeMarch 21, 2013 at 5:52 PM

Oh, Lilly
I know that feeling
I have a clear memory of a time when I came to this realization with Tom
fortunately for me Tom mostly came back
not like your husband
No, he is not the man I fell in love with
but I'm not the woman he fell in love with either

I think at some point in time we have to come face to face with this reality of life
we lose the people we love in so many ways
Tom to his disease
my old happy self to the hard knocks of life
my dad to old age, cancer, and death

I'm struggling to go on
but we do
because we are strong
and we learn

your seeds and trees will grow
spring is almost here.....

Tom's Wife,

I know that we all change, and certainly I have in myriad ways, just trying to survive through this experience.  I used to sincerely believe that some people could live happily ever after.  Now I seriously question that, even if they work hard at it.  I don't even know if I really believe in true love anymore.  I'm not happy that I feel that way.  In some ways, it makes me feel broken beyond repair.  I would like to be able to love and trust again, but don't know if I will ever be able to.  I know what I DON'T want in a man, but don't really know what I WOULD want at this point!

The sad part of all of this is that I did not leave my husband because he was physically sick.  I could have dealt with that.  I left because of all the negativity, emotional abuse, and (maybe?) mental illness that I just was not equipped to deal with anymore.   And honestly, where does the physical end, and the emotional part take over?  Or does it?

Yesterday, I went with him to pick up the motor home from being repaired, as it now needs to be sold.  I accompanied him with many reservations, and told him up front that he would NOT be yelling and screaming at me.  Even though I served him notice with this, he still would not promise me that it would not happen, saying that he could not control what his blood sugars did!  Although he had a very high blood sugar before we got back, he managed to keep it under control verbally.  That tells me that he can "do it" when he chooses to.  Had he done this all along, I would still be there. 

Endings . . . and New Beginnings

Still waiting for the divorce to be finalized.  In the meantime, I have had way too much time to think.

When I gave him my kidney almost 11 years ago, it was because I wanted to keep him forever.  I never in a million years thought "we" would come to where we are now.  I still love the man he was . . . but I don't know where that man is anymore.  I so miss that person.  Sometimes, I see him for a few moments on the rare occasions when we communicate, but I know from past experience that the "old him" is almost like a mirage: when you get up close, it isn't really there.    There are times when it seems impossible to me that we are almost divorced now, and it devastates me.  Yet I want to be free, to live my own life and begin anew, wherever that may lead me.

In the meantime, I am slowly regaining my "old self."  This past week, I planted garden seeds inside, and ordered fruit trees to put in the ground.  Like the seeds and trees, I am slowly coming to life . . . and growing (hopefully in a positive way!)

Hard Day Today

Hubby signed the divorce papers yesterday, and I signed them last week.  He immediately called me afterwards, wanting to go out to dinner to "talk things over."  I was already eating out with a girlfriend, and told him so.  What he wanted to say actually took about 5 minutes on the phone.  I knew had I actually met him for dinner (why would I want to do that to myself?), he would have said the same thing 20 times over.  Hopefully, the divorce will be finalized sometime in the next month. 

He sounded lost and sad, and I do feel bad for him, as I know he did not want this.  But at the same time, I need to remind myself that it was his verbal abuse that caused this.  I feel a bit lost and sad as well, but also feel like I have a chance for a new start, without anyone putting me down every day.  I still care, but also know "things" have needed to take this route for quite awhile.  I really do wish him well, but also need to take care of myself.

So for now, I guess I will just be "Lilly" for awhile, and find out what "she" is all about.  Thinking I have needed to do this for quite awhile.  I think I owe it to myself, now that I finally have the chance . . .