My apologies to "Ashtamangala". You left a well thought-out comment to my
Oh boy, the fun never ends . . . post way back in October. Forgive my rudeness. So sorry I never responded, as you gave me much to think about:
AshtamangalaOctober 4, 2012 at 10:55 PM
I really do hope you're living YOUR life, rather than catering to the husband you've left after so long. Please tell me you've continued to have fun and have not allowed this man to violate your privacy as he has... if he must behave like a helpless child, perhaps his insurance will cover the cost of a Caregiver or nurse who will look in on him.
Lilly, if the tables were turned and he had the opportunity, you'd best believe he'd be out basking in the attention of other women and flirting like an adolescent. Keep your courage and don't give up your hard-won freedom! He's very well-versed at playing "The Needy Man" and you're TOO accustomed to saving him from himself. Life is short and moves by quickly, as you've learned. Please don't waste any more of your time catering to someone who will never be satisfied, seems unwilling to learn to care for himself...!
Yes, Ashtamangala, I am living my life! Going out with friends has been a lifesaver for me, and I share very little to nothing with him about my new life. He has quit obsessing so much about what I am doing, as I only answer his phone calls when I choose to, and often ignore them completely. He has learned that I will not cater to his every whim. I most likely got into the same vehicle with him yesterday for the last time, and that was to go pick up our motor home so that it can be sold. What a relief, to think that I will never have to do that again!
As for a caregiver or nurse: he is now getting rides through the VA and the county for many of his far-off doctor's visits. Could have done this all along! He has now alienated almost all of his own family members, so they are unwilling to help. He also had a mutual friend of ours coming in to clean and do other chores, but I think he has now burned that bridge, as he made the mistake of treating her badly. Not sure he will ever learn, but it is not my problem anymore . . .
Thank you,
Lilly
