Valentine's Day was actually okay for me today. I hadn't expected that! However, thinking over the past few years, I realize it has been a day of mixed emotions for me for quite awhile.
For the past 10 years since the kidney transplant, hubby would send me a HUGE bouquet of flowers at work. In the beginning, it was a wonderful surprise, but as the years passed, it became something else . . . the flowers would always be accompanied with a beautiful card declaring his undying love. The past few years, I didn't know whether to actually feel loved, or angry, or guilty because I couldn't reciprocate those feelings anymore. What I really wanted wasn't a $100 bouquet of flowers and a mushy note, but a guarantee that I would consistently be treated well. Without that, the flowers (and cards throughout the year), began to mean very little to me. In fact, sometimes they just made me angry. I felt that it was one more way he continued to live in denial: equating buying me things with love.
So, today was really more than okay. I didn't have to feel guilty or angry! What a relief. :-)
well said.
ReplyDeleteTom gives me flowers frequently
I have challenged him to be sure
that there is meaning behind them
and not just a gesture
I am very fortunate
because he seems to get it
I don't get them all the time
don't think I got them last year
but this year -- not only did I get a smaller bunch -- but I got a hand-written note
he finally seems to get it
I'm glad you are good this year
false love isn't love at all
you are a role model for many of us
I read what you write and I question what goes on in my life
it helps me stay on balance
so thank you
and stay strong
you are clearly ok on your own
no anger, no guilt
just peace.....
You are so right: False love really isn't love! It was almost as if the (almost embarrassingly) huge bouquet of flowers sent to my place of work, and mushy cards were another of his attempts to live in denial, and pretend everything was okay. Or maybe he thought flowers and cards made his behavior the rest of the year okay? Oh well, guess it doesn't matter anymore . . . very relieved I no longer have to be part of the charade.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you enjoyed your flowers and note. Good for both of you! :-)