I have been copy/pasting/saving my "Wife of Type 1 Diabetic" blog. What a journey it has been. As I re-read certain entries, I wonder what possessed me to stay for as long as I did. But it is therapeutic for me to do this, as it helps "cure" me of feeling guilty for finally leaving!
Things I have learned in the past 9 months:
- Marriage should not feel like a life sentence. When it does, it is time for a change.
- Contractors will NOT show up or call back 90% of the time, even if they are "friends." If it is a small job, maybe they are just not interested??? (Kudos/apologies to any contractor reading this who actually does show up/call when they say they will. I have had very bad luck with this!).
- Often, male "friends" who do home repairs for you don't just want to be friends. Stupid me. What was I thinking?
- compactappliances.com makes absolutely awesome appliances for apartments. I got a great 5' tall refrigerator that holds everything I need, and it was narrow enough to fit up the stairwell. They even give measurements, weight, etc. right online.
- Most food items can be prepared without a stove, as long as you have a hotplate, toaster oven, and microwave.
- Peace of mind is worth more than just about anything.
- So is maintaining your health.
- Storage units are sometimes very necessary. Now I have to figure out exactly what I really want to keep!
- Loving family and friends are worth everything.
- I will never sell my soul to anyone, ever again. I am worth more than that.
Cheers,
Lilly
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
I'm still here!
I keep meaning to post again, but have been in survival mode for so long. . . most days, it is still a bit exhausting, but I feel I am starting to get my "sparkle" back, as a friend put it not long ago.
Met with a divorce attorney today who is willing to meet with both of us, as long as we can agree on everything, and not be at war. There have been several times when we have been at odds with each other, but now we seem to be working things out between us, without the fights. Still sad, but I want closure. Hubby said he would file for divorce, but never did, so I have made that first step. I know he would still let me move back home tomorrow, but I know I can never go back.
When he came to the lawyer's office today, he started telling me how he had a "hot spot" on his leg or some such thing, before he even sat down. Thankfully, the attorney was ready to see us, so his story about his leg got cut short. This has been his way since I left. Does he think if he keeps telling me how sick he is, I will come running back? He doesn't seem to get that I find this totally draining, and it is one of the many reasons I left. He also started rambling/talking loudly when we met with the attorney, and it soon became obvious that his sugar was too low. He ate a granola bar (which his endocrinologist told him long ago was not the way to go because of the fat content: it slows down absorption of the sugar/carbohydrates), and then another when that didn't seem to do the trick. We managed to get through the session with my attorney, although it probably took twice as long with hubby's meandering conversation. When we were done, he was still in no condition to drive home and started talking non-stop to the receptionist, who had other things to do. I got him some lifesavers that were in the waiting room, told him to not get in his vehicle until he was okay, and left, feeling like an absolute heel. Am I a b_ _ ch for not staying to make sure he was okay? What are the "rules" for dealing with your diabetic, soon to be ex husband? I honestly don't know . . .
Anyway, I have been in my own self-styled "apartment" in the upstairs of my childhood home since the beginning of October. For now, I have 2 rooms plus a bathroom, with 2 more rooms plus that can be utilized later. My elderly father lives downstairs, so we each have our own space. This seems to be working pretty well for both of us, and sure beats living in the camper!
I know that eventually, I would like to date again, but know I don't ever want to remarry. A "friend" to do things with would be nice. For a short while, I thought I had a male friend, but he wanted way more than I was willing to give . . . so we have gone our separate ways. Also a bit sad, but I am no longer willing to sell my soul for anybody. Been there, done that, not doing it again!
There really are many things in life that are much, much worse than being lonely. I know, as I have lived many of those experiences. For the moment, I have family and friends, and that keeps me going.
Met with a divorce attorney today who is willing to meet with both of us, as long as we can agree on everything, and not be at war. There have been several times when we have been at odds with each other, but now we seem to be working things out between us, without the fights. Still sad, but I want closure. Hubby said he would file for divorce, but never did, so I have made that first step. I know he would still let me move back home tomorrow, but I know I can never go back.
When he came to the lawyer's office today, he started telling me how he had a "hot spot" on his leg or some such thing, before he even sat down. Thankfully, the attorney was ready to see us, so his story about his leg got cut short. This has been his way since I left. Does he think if he keeps telling me how sick he is, I will come running back? He doesn't seem to get that I find this totally draining, and it is one of the many reasons I left. He also started rambling/talking loudly when we met with the attorney, and it soon became obvious that his sugar was too low. He ate a granola bar (which his endocrinologist told him long ago was not the way to go because of the fat content: it slows down absorption of the sugar/carbohydrates), and then another when that didn't seem to do the trick. We managed to get through the session with my attorney, although it probably took twice as long with hubby's meandering conversation. When we were done, he was still in no condition to drive home and started talking non-stop to the receptionist, who had other things to do. I got him some lifesavers that were in the waiting room, told him to not get in his vehicle until he was okay, and left, feeling like an absolute heel. Am I a b_ _ ch for not staying to make sure he was okay? What are the "rules" for dealing with your diabetic, soon to be ex husband? I honestly don't know . . .
Anyway, I have been in my own self-styled "apartment" in the upstairs of my childhood home since the beginning of October. For now, I have 2 rooms plus a bathroom, with 2 more rooms plus that can be utilized later. My elderly father lives downstairs, so we each have our own space. This seems to be working pretty well for both of us, and sure beats living in the camper!
I know that eventually, I would like to date again, but know I don't ever want to remarry. A "friend" to do things with would be nice. For a short while, I thought I had a male friend, but he wanted way more than I was willing to give . . . so we have gone our separate ways. Also a bit sad, but I am no longer willing to sell my soul for anybody. Been there, done that, not doing it again!
There really are many things in life that are much, much worse than being lonely. I know, as I have lived many of those experiences. For the moment, I have family and friends, and that keeps me going.
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