A Little Reminder

As I sift through my papers, etc. that got haphazardly moved from my old home, I periodically come across "gems" such as the following. I wrote this verbatim in September of 2011, 7 months before I left.

I feel:

angry
EXHAUSTED
depressed
ANGRY
sad
betrayed
incredulous
disappointed
protective
helpless
threatened
disillusioned
LOST
unbelieving
deflated
ATTACKED
devastated
untrusting
duped
repayment?
hate
emotionally raped

I don't even recall what happened to make me write this, as I did not record it in my "wife of a diabetic" blog. Sometimes, things were just too painful to even post. I do know that I frequently felt the need to jot things like this down . . . if nothing else, to validate my feelings, as hubby certainly wasn't going to! It also on some level helped me to know I wasn't nuts, as did the blog. Anyway, running across these snippets of my former life is a good thing. It reminds me of where I've been, and of the need to keep moving forward, with no regrets. Here's to much better days!

Missing My Gardens . . . But Still Finding Solace

I am in the final stages of getting the rest of my things out of my former house.  Some "things" I came back home with in the last few weeks are some daffodil bulbs, some peonies, irises, and a small sprout from a beautiful lilac bush that is now taller than I am.  I planted all these things during our marriage, and I hate leaving the majority of them there, but . . . I don't want to lay waste to the gardens I am leaving behind, although I know they are growing up in weeds.  Besides, my gardens are (were) so extensive that it would be more work than I want to think about right now to move everything.  So, I am taking small pieces of my most-loved flowers to start anew.  At the same time, I am finding solace in cleaning out my mother's old long-neglected flower beds, and adding my things in with hers.  I almost feel like Mary in the Secret Garden every time I discover something new making its way out of the soil. 

Now . . . if I could just find someone else besides me to mow the lawn.  That was at least one thing hubby did do!  I guess I miss that, too.  :-)

So Many Choices

Photo and musings by Lilly:

 

I am at the center of a multi-spoked wheel.

My inner fire burns brightly, surrounding me with pure white light.

There are many spokes (roads) to explore.

Some will be perilous,

some will be frightening,

and some will be more amazing than anything I can imagine . . .

Good night, all.  Sweet dreams.  :-)

Positive Outlooks

I came across this on  http://positiveoutlooksblog.com/ 
I have really enjoyed this website, and it is much needed right now.

 

Made me think about all the times that he blamed me for his negative behavior.  I am also thinking I need to take the above statement to heart, and make a point to remember that it is not always ME who has the problem.  I have been collecting positive self-affirmation statements more and more lately.  It helps!  I will be including some of them into an altered book I am working on.

Hope everyone had a good Easter . . .